i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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