Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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