i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
