never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
