If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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