I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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