note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
