I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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