We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
