Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
