I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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