I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
