I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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