all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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