so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
