i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
