omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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