I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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