Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
