just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
