I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
