I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
