Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
