2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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