Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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