I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
ok first of all what the fuck
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
