i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
