kristin has been a bad kristin
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
