you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
