Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
