New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
