Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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