exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
