i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
