Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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