I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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