Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
