Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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