@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
