I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
