What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
