I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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