My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
