My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
