I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
