shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
