I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
