I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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