i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
