READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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