You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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