Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The air was thick with penises
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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