The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
then he tried to convert me to islam
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
