Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
