someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
