Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
